facing grief

To see and know…

I never would have thought it would draw to an end like this.

It marks a year, my little scribbling here today. A year since the world turned upside down and right side up and back again.

As I cuddle close Josiah, another baby rests near in my thoughts, cradled in my heart. We said goodbye just as we began to be aware of each other, and it happened so fast.

A year ago, I nearly died.

Three short weeks after that happened, my husband lost his job.

Had you asked me in those intervening days if I had thought we would be here today, I probably would have looked at you askance. I knew in my heart that God was in control, but I remember how dark and scary the way seemed.

Now I look back as I watch this year draw to a close and I see.

Miracles shine like dew drops along the path near the footsteps of the One who carried me through. Grace after grace, mercy after mercy, provision upon provision. In the face of grave uncertainty, every need has been answered and provided for. Every time we thought we were coming to the bottom, our jar was filled again.  I think of all the people along the way too, the ones who loved us, the ones who prayed, the ones who gave of their hearts in our time of need, and continue to bear our burdens with us…I stand amazed.

The blessing journal stands full of stories from this year, too many to count.

…Of health regained

…Of a heart turned towards Home

…Of the miracle of life

In the face of a messy economy and countless other trials, we never went hungry. We never lost our house. We never lost our joy. I watched others I knew lose everything, but we did not. Grace upon grace! I would never have thought that it would be twelve long months of fruitless searches as my husband tried to find a job, that even the gas stations and fast food places and retail stores would close in rapid succession like dominoes. And that he is searching still. I never would have imagined after the horror and loss of last August that I would be holding the most amazing miracle of a baby, counting his fingers and toes and kissing his sweet skin.

And here I stand at the close. What will the next twelve months, fifty two weeks, three hundred and sixty five days, bring?

All I know is this.

My God? He can do anything. He is in control. And I am His. That is all that matters. The rest is grace.


  • Sandra

    “What a mighty God we serve,
    What a mighty God we serve.
    Angels bow before Him,
    Heaven and earth adore Him
    What a mighty God we serve.”
    Love this song because it’s true. As the Psalmist said, “I’ve never seen His righteous forsaken nor His seed begging for bread.”
    We are His and He is ours, bless His name forever!

  • Pam

    My husband lost his job in March, 2009. I’m also amazed we haven’t gone hungry. And the house payment is still up to date! When it first happened, I figured we would be on the street in a few months. God does provide in amazing ways.
    My husband was awarded a grant to go back to school for computer technology–a field more conducive to a fluctuating economy. Things are looking up.
    So happy to hear you are worry free and enjoying your precious babies!

  • Sandi

    Echo’s of amazing grace!
    What He weaves and allows in our lives produces what He is after in us. I remember a very dark time right after our son died in my arms and Aaron was unemployed. I have never felt more lost but yet through that struggling in the dark I now see more clear then I ever have. God as sovereign and faithful,all good… all the time.
    Thanks for baring witness to the goodness and mercy of God. When those who have suffered call God good I imagine a triumphant shout ringing through heaven.
    Here’s trusting His plan for the next year!
    PS I love those little baby toes and skin too. They just smell like life itself!

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