Sorry my work in progress card is a bit late today. The reasons why surprise me still. Let me back up and explain a bit better.

This 'art friday' thing is something I started for myself at the beginning of this year, based loosely on the idea of Illustration Friday…but I knew I wanted it to be low-key. Calling it work-in-progress Friday made it easier (in my head) to commit to, because I tend towards perfectionism. The main point of it is for me to take a few minutes each week to try new techniques I have been curious about. The ATC card size made it easier (in my head) to approach, because there is not a huge expanse to 'make mistakes on'. (Can you tell that silencing my inner critic has been the hardest part of this little adventure?) At the other end of the spectrum, it was also meant as a sort of art journal where I catalog, through artistic techniques, some of the feelings and thoughts within my heart. Naturally, many of these have seemed to turn to expressions of faith, or 'working out' an aspect of faith I have been considering in prayer.

My husband has told me more than once that I turn into a whole different person when I have a chance to play and create…more peaceful, serene, at rest. (With four kids, no way, right? *laughter*) He called attention to something that I've come to realize- that creating art is truly, 'what fills me up'. I never feel more joyful when I have had a chance to piddle around, and never am I more sad when the chance to create goes too far between times. It's truly my form of 'language', my form of 'worship'. When I have the chance to scribble out poetry, paint, piddle, cut, form…there is this place inside of me that just rejoices, and I feel at peace.

Alas, this has been a hard thing for me to accept. (Remember that inner critic?) I find I've been playing this balancing act, trying to say, well, I can't be an artist and a mama. I can't be an artist and a wife. I can't make money doing this, this has no 'value'. How unfortunate this fight within me has been! It is not the dichotomy I make it out to be. And it does have value, even if that's not what the world thinks or I think. I've slowly been realizing that this create-ing thing, this artist/writer/piddler thing is the dream God has for me, that I've been called to (in addition to being a wife and mama, don't get me wrong). Not very long ago, I finally had one of those conversations with God: "Uh, God? You see, I've been a bit stubborn about this…and I feel a bit sheepish, and well…..I'm sorry, Abba Father. Would You guide and direct me in this? Will You use it to Your glory? I'm gonna get out of the way now. I'm sorry I've been so stubborn and opinionated." (And, have mercy, how many times must I confess I've had to pray this prayer over so many aspects of my life? Being strong-willed is a blessing from the Lord, but at the same time, it can be a curse if we don't keep handing it back to the God that designed it that way!)

Fast forward a few days. Nothing had really 'changed'- still piddling when I could, fitted around my days as I have time. But allowing myself to rejoice in the gift, if you know what I mean?

*gulp*

(tongue in cheek) Beware of what can happen when you tell God to have His way with you…

I was approached by the creative arts pastor at my church, and he asked if I might create a big sort of 'art installation' piece of all the cardboard testimonies from Easter. (I blogged about it here.) He wanted me to include some aspects of the cards I've been doing over the last five months, to make a big piece that people could walk around and absorb, that includes pictures of the 'story' tellers…

Could you imagine anything more perfect for me? That uses all my skills as both a scrapbooker, writer, photographer, mixed media artist? God sure does answer questions and dreams of the heart in a big way. I am still a little flabbergasted, and working on picking up my jaw off the floor…and walking into this commission with quite a bit of fear and trembling. It is in the beginning stages, being pieced together across the garage floor (I promise I'll post pictures as I go) as I figure out the shape and form of it before I begin adding all the other elements. It'll be pretty big- we're talking 12 feet by 12 feet or so. Please, will you pray for me as I work on this piece?

Back to the card for this week. Ever since Easter I have been dwelling on the need to tell the Story. His story. Our story. How He saved us, how He redeemed us, how He has been working in our lives. We don't do that much- it's hard, I acknowledge. It means being vulnerable, of letting the world really see how broken we were and are, and how desperately we need our Savior. But it is necessary. So I made this card to remind me…to tell the Story. It is also a way to focus, as I have been entrusted with the stories of others.

I just never would have dared to imagine that dreams like this could culminate in such a way…

Confession time: This card was a reject. I did it a few weeks ago and I didn't like it at the time. I guess it was one of those things where what I was seeing in my head was not coming out on the paper. I didn't like how the second flower came out, too faded… I tossed it. In the trash.

But.

James snapped it up. He was using it as a bookmark in his Bible. When I noticed it one morning, I asked him about it- "Didn't I throw that out?" He looked at me with a smile and said, "Yeah, but it was too beautiful to toss out. You may not see it, but I love it." (Did I mention how much I love this guy?)

*sighs*

Perfectionism gets the best of me way too often.

The thing is…I like it a lot now too. I see the beauty of it. Yeah, so the flowers are a bit unfinished and they don't have the definition I wanted. But they are almost dreamy…one seems like it is the reflection of the first one. I started scribbling words across it as I looked at it again. I want eyes like James. I want eyes of wonder to see the beauty in the mundane. And the dirty imperfect. So you could almost say it's a visual prayer.

What an adventure this little project has been. I wonder where it will take me next?

(Sorry for the harsh lighting…I wanted to get these posted, but didn't remember to take pictures until long after the sun went down.)
    The one on top (also in my banner) was from last week. It was the first time I was playing with a color washing technique with acrylic. I really, really love how it turned out. Even a 'mistake' (I've had mentors remind me there is no such thing in the artistic pursuit) turned out alright- it was a Chinese writing character stamp that I thought would look cool in contrast with the color wash, but it pretty much turned out as an awful black smudge with no contrast whatsoever. But somehow, it totally worked out in the end…gave it this nice aged patina look. And of course, the Heidi Swapp damask stamp. It's pretty pathetic how many things I do end up with this stamp on it somewhere. I don't know where the bird came from- I cut it freehand from some old Nostalgique scraps I had. It just sort of hopped out of the scissors, and it said it needed a crown. And the rub-ons were some very old Melissa Francis buttons. I mean seriously, bottom of the scrap drawer products that I've had forever. And I love it. Maybe I shouldn't constantly try to reinvent the wheel, methinks. Definitely channeling Mrs. Rebecca Sower here, for sure. Who got me into scrapbooking in the first place. Full circle, no? This ATC just speaks to me…it just seems to ecapsulate where I am right this second. The peaceful blue-green. The bird. The jewels. I look at it, and I think, "I can do this." So I found the "it takes courage" line…it's perfect.
    This week, I was still obsessed with the color washing technique. Pam Carriker had an article about it in Somerset Apprentice, and it's really captured my imagination at the moment. I love how it's deeper and milkier, almost velvety, than watercolors, but has a watercolor "look". So this week, I played with three colors instead of just the one. I also used a Heidi Swapp butterfly mask with some Making Memories glitter paint in the middle…a wee flower and button and it was done. The edges are scraps from last week's bird.
    I don't try to analyze what I create with these ATCs. I think it's sort of the hardest part, really, the "not thinking". And the most enjoyable, at the same time. But I can't help but notice that for the last two weeks, I've picked a bird or a butterfly as a motif- I definitely feel it. In my heart. Like it's time to soar, to go. To where and what, I have no idea. But I feel it. Love that it's coming out into these little attempts at creative thought. You know, this is #6. And it's April. I said this project was going to be a weekly thing- I am way behind. Normally, that would drive me nuts, absolutely crazy. I would create just for the sake of getting it done because "I said I would". But you know what? I am totally okay with this being what it is. The whole point was to let go and just play and this is way too much fun to force the issue. It's filling me up during a time in my life when I really don't have any time to really create, to scrapbook, knit, or sew. I love that I am still getting to explore and play and paint, but that it's not so intensive that I feel loss when it is days and weeks before I can get back to the project. Fifteen minutes. I can do fifteen minutes.
    Speaking of which, I am really loving the Somerset Apprentice. It's the premier issue.  The byline is "Artful*Building*Blocks" and it really is. So many of the projects featured have more than one application of technique. Lots of instructions and close-up photos. And the artists! Angela Cartwright, Pam Carriker, Michelle Ward, Claudine Hellmuth. I am self-taught, so this is right up my alley. It's really helping me to spread my wings beyond 'traditional' scrapbooking techniques.

Right? Right. *laughter* No ATC card this week, because I have steadily been working through a backlog. Now that I am pursuing more than one avenue of creating, from the ATC's to knitting to writing, trying poetry, photography, I am finding the scrapbooking is happening much faster for me and is much more enjoyable. I think what got me into the standstill/rut was that I was beginning to overthink every page, so each of them would take an hour or more, and I just don't have that kind of time anymore. I've also tried a new theory of prep/organization this time around. I have about 125 pictures from the last year that didn't get scrapped, and I divided them either into child, or event, or both. Like right now, I am steadily working through about 20 pictures of David, his birth, his birthday, etc. They are only 4×6's, no other sizes. I've also limited my paper and embellishment choices. At the outset, I went through my stash and selected about 20 or so sheets of paper in a specific color palette. (For David- it's been light green, light blue, dark blue, and red.) I've also grabbed all the embellishments I think would work with those colors, and then that's it. I just work. About the only thing I gave myself free reign on is the use of stamps. It really has helped! I've done these eight pages in about one hour spurts this week, one on Monday and a bit of time Wednesday. What's more, it was fun! (click for larger)

I love, love collage illustrations. There was a recent article in Somerset Studio (I think) that really inspired me. I've seen illustrations like this in books or print (The Incredible Book Eating Boy is a great example), but I've never really thought about the process. The article in Somerset was eye opening, and to whit, the illustrations were printed large enough that you could actually see the different layers. I think this sort of gets lost in translation when pieces like this are converted to screen printing. Anyways, I knew exactly what I wanted to "play" with this week. It's a lot of fun. For the third week in a row, I've wondered to myself why I've waited so long to give myself permission to explore and play with art…

 Here's the second card in the series. It didn't scan very well- the background is actually more of a soft green, and you can't see the resist stamping that's behind the words. (I'll try to get a better photograph of this up later this afternoon.) [[ETA: Better picture up now.]]This one didn't go quite as I had imagined- I had the frustrating experience of having pen after pen die on me. (All American Crafts and Martha Stewart/EK Success) The trusty old Creative Memories pens always worked, but the color palette wasn't quite what I wanted. I am beginning to wonder if the pens were just too cold…but then that doesn't explain why the CM ones worked and nothing else would.
    The words are a bit of Rebekah's post the other day. I don't know if she realized how poetic her words were, but they immediately came to mind as I worked with the peaceful, light filled colors this week.
    Perhaps the most revealing? I am impulsively impatient. Last week's card required a lot of precision and a lot of waiting between the delicate tracing paper and the alcohol ink, and nearly a half hours worth of work to cut out the Celtic cross- but this week…I could not wait the five minutes for the acrylic paint to dry (Ranger/Advantus). I messed this card up more than I care to admit. I find it interesting that I could work and work at the card last week, and struggled so much with the patience this week…definitely a work in progress.

I meant to post this on Friday, and then promptly forgot. Such is my frozen neuron life these days….and they say more Arctic temperatures for this week too! It amazes me that it can be so sunny outside, but yet so cold. I digress…
    I've chronicled here on the blog about my journey into art over the last few years. It began with scrap booking, and then blossomed into a part time photography business. I talked about how I dreamed of opening an Etsy store, which I finally made a reality in December after being a merchant at a craft show in the area. It's been an adventure that has totally amazed me. It was not at all what I would have expected three years ago. I am type A, and I tend to be very practical, very focused and organized. Art is anything but. Yet for a long time I struggled with this sort of longing, of feeling like there was something about myself that I was fundamentally missing.
    Art began creeping into my life about four years ago, when my mom introduced me to scrapbooking. I loved it (still do!) and playing with the colors, paints, and papers filled me up inside in a way that totally suprised me. I felt kind of guilty for enjoying it so much, but would console myself with the fact that scrapbooking was very practical- a way of chronicling my family's journey. Slowly, however, I began to enjoy creating simply for creating's sake, and began to dabble in all sorts of mediums.
    My "play"time is fitted in around a very hectic life. My friends often ask me how I accomplish it- how I could possibly have time to do such things? My response is often, how could I not make time? Ten minutes playing in the paintbox will calm and restore me for ten days worth of being a momma. It often happens in the evening, after the children have gone to bed. I try very hard to have all the chores and needs of the day taken care of before dinner, so that the evening time is open and free. I don't tend to watch television, although if I am working on something intricate that takes a lot of hand work but not a lot of head work, you might find it on. Because it is important to me, I make time for it. I fully understand that doing this is what fills me up, but that it may not be the same for my friends- I would encourage them to not judge themselves against me or feel a loss because they are not artistic or what have you- but encourage them to find the thing that does fill them up, that helps them to unwind and relax.
    One on of my intentions (I hate 'resolutions') for this year is to spend more concentrated time trying new things in an artistic vein. To "delight" in art. I found some Artist Trading Cards from Strathmore that have a bunch of different papers inside: bristol board, watercolor medium, vellum, etc. They are 2×3, and are a perfect little size to mess around with and not have to worry about waste (you know me, ever practical). I intend for my work in progress Fridays to be one of these each week.
    Right now, I am a bit obsessed with tracing paper. Not for tracings sake, but for the way it reacts to liquid based mediums like watercolors or alcohol inks. Remember this piece? It has been nearly six months, but I knew that this was one of the first things I wanted to mess around with in my play time. The ATC above is a couple of layers. On the bottom is Bristol board, treated with "Weathered Wood" Distress Ink from Tim Holtz/Advantus. The middle layer is eggplant alcohol ink (again, Tim Holtz/Advantus) dropped on tracing paper. The top layer is a celtic cross traced onto the tracing paper, "painted" with lettuce alcohol ink, and then cut out and applied to the lower layers. What I love about tracing paper is that it holds up to the liquid mediums without tearing, but upon drying has an almost cloth-like texture to it. This especially comes across when it gets modge podged to something else. The translucence of it makes for a cool effect, as you can catch the colors of the lower layers coming through. All in all, I am really pleased. It always brings me delight when something in my head happens on paper, and it never ceases to amaze me. I wanted a stained glass appearance, and that is exactly what I got. I can't wait to fiddle around some more. But now the laundry and kiddos call…